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Date Night Magic: A Review

"Stop looking at me like that. I always wear the giant, feathered hat on date night."

“Stop looking at me like that. I always wear the giant, feathered hat on date night.”

 

I’m over the moon right now. Not only is the hot coffee I’m drinking actually hot, and my leopard-print robe passably clean to wear another day, but the reviews are in. After I cheated on my hair stylist this past Saturday, Husband and I decided to celebrate my disloyalty, put on our socilizin’ clothes and head somewhere I could whip my new hair back and forth within arms reach of buttered popcorn.

We decided to see Django Unchained, because nothing says, “re-connecting through quality time, thoughtful conversation, and a dash of hand-holding” like Quentin Tarantino. I thought our outing was a fantastic success, but I’ll let the reviewers do the talking…

Date Night Magic:
A Review
“Initially, I thought she wanted to buy tickets, but then she tried to climb over the ticket booth and kept whispering, “Don’t tell the children where I am.” — Admissions Worker
“We weren’t going to throw her out or anything, but I’ve never heard anyone scream, “Four-fifty for a bag of Peanut M&Ms?” so loud before. It didn’t get weird until she started feeling the consistency of each bag. Maybe we should’ve thrown her out.” — Concession Worker
“Do you really need all that licorice? Two pounds seems like a lot.” — Husband
“She kept splashing water out of the sink and singing, “No one can find me in this bathroom.” Oh, was she not with the bus full of mental patients? Huh. Then that whole ordeal I heard coming from the stall is really unsettling.” — Girl in Bathroom
“Is that who that was? It’s really hard to focus the screen when someone’s jumping up and down, yelling, “Honey, look. It’s a moving picture.” — Projectionist
“I feel a little bad. She kept throwing candy at Leonardo DiCaprio and shouting, “Why are you doing that? You’re a bad man. This isn’t Titanic II.” Seems like somebody may have sold the movie to her from a different angle.” — Guy Sitting Eight Rows Back
“Is this not the re-make of the re-make of the re-make of Pride and Prejudice? I was expecting something Collin Firth-y.” — Paige
“I mean, we’ll let them come back, but I’d really like it if she’d come back and clean up that mess in the bathroom.” — Theater Manager
It actually is a fabulous movie, and I highly recommend it. Now, if you’ll excuse me, I’m off to whip my hair and find some M&Ms to go with my eighth cup of coffee.

Paige Kellerman blogs about marriage, babies and gin at www.paigekellerman.com. You can reach her at paigekellerman@gmail.com.

She also hides out on Twitter and Facebook.


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